Hiding in fear of living is a form of death. Avoiding chemicals, scents and many foods severely limited what I felt comfortable enjoying. Once I sought out ways to manage my reactions I began to expose myself to new experiences. I began to practice a form of Qi Gong energy healing to help remove internal energetic blockages and improve self-healing. I also started intensive Shamanic healing training in which I began to deal with the emotions that were root causes of my sensitivities. In other words, rather than being focused solely on seeking physical treatment to resolve my sensitivities, I also opened myself to healing energetically and emotionally.
My initial introduction to Shamanic healing was a healing circle held in a nearby park on a lovely late summer afternoon. I had come across an ad for this in a local alternative healing publication I would pick up at my favorite vegetarian restaurant. Once my allergy doctor had done as much as they could for me, they suggested that I continue to improve by looking for some form of energetic healing so I was seeking out a practitioner that resonated with me. While the idea of traditional Algonquin healing practices were completely unknown to me, the fact that the event was free, within a 5 minute walk and outdoor so mostly scent free, I decided to give this a try and see if it might benefit me.
I arrived not realizing that we would be sitting on the grass so those familiar with these healing circles had come prepared with chairs or blankets. A sweet young woman saw that I was new to the group and considerately offered to share her blanket with me. I deeply appreciated this as it was the first kindness I had received in a long, long time and, as I found out, it was important to be able to rest comfortably while experiencing shamanic journeys. In that session we were led through three separate meditative journeys in which the medicine man guided us into explorations of different aspects of our consciousness. I was so intrigued by the experience and enthralled by the open-heartedness of this group that I approached the facilitator and set up an appointment for a personal healing session.
I entered my first personal session with skepticism, holding back any explanation of my issues, wanting to believe but also needing the medicine man to do something to prove to me that this form of healing was effective. I vaguely remember his taking me through a guided journey to connect with a lost part of myself and that I didn’t want to disappoint him so I went along with some of the sensations he suggested I might experience. I experienced nothing dramatic as a result of this first session but I did feel some mild energetic flow in one leg, something I had not felt before. I followed up with a second session in which I described my issues and that I suspected that my having lost a twin in the womb might be affecting me. He responded that there was not one single large cause but rather a series of smaller wounds that were affecting me. After this second session we agreed that I should enter his two year training course as a way to heal myself more completely.
I remember feeling completely out of place in the first intensive weekend of the course. Introverted and reserved by nature and having a career in IT security within governmental organizations had not prepared me for such an extraordinary or “woo woo” experience. While I tended not to show my emotions outwardly, there were people in the class releasing their emotions with intense moans, horrific screams and even vomiting. It reminded me of scenes I had viewed of Baptist healing revivals. This was so new to me, so alien, but so oddly alluring that I stayed.
I quickly came to realize that the key to successful self-healing was to give up control and allow the process to have its full effect. In an early practice session involving clearing of chakras (energetic power centers) we were to set our intention and awareness on healing of an issue, allowing whatever experience to arise in our body. Deep abdominal bellows breathing accelerated and enhanced the energetic effects by reducing our ability to resist while also allowing energy to flow and break through resistance. I distinctly recall seeing my emotional body as initially completely frozen and allowing the ceremony to begin a thawing out, experiencing the same cracking and shifting one notes as ice cubes begin to melt. This was so fascinating to me that I became fixated on the feeling of energy moving within and forgot to breath. This experience, and many others that followed in the course, changed me, opened me up and began to allow deeper healing.
Over the next few years of shamanic ceremonies, I was disassembled and rebuilt in a more healed way. I left the old me behind and began anew.
Healed Outcomes 